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Consent

Consent means getting permission or the A-okay before (and during) a sexual act. Consent can be complex because usually with sexual activity people look for body language responses to see if it's okay to go further with a sexual act. Some people say that if you want to have sexual activity you should be receiving "Enthusiastic, ongoing consent.", which makes sense. Sex is so wonderful if someone is enjoying him or herself he or she would be all over consenting and it would be very clear.

Discussion before sex of what each sex partner wants to do is a good idea. I know that's uncomfortable but if you can't talk about sex you definitely shouldn't be having it. But even discussion is not perfect. The ideal is a couple would ask for permission each new stage of sexual activity. Like you can ask "Can I kiss you?" and "Can I fondle your breasts?" and so on, for every new thing you want to do.

Silence implies consent, but that's not so great because it could be that one partner is not feeling comfortable enough to say "No." or "Stop.", or they don't have the willpower to say anything because the sexual activity feels so good. So if someone is just quiet, that doesn't mean that you have consent. You could be raping your sex partner. That's why discussion and asking for and getting ongoing consent are so important.

People have the right to withdraw consent at any time. That is, one or both of the sex partners can stop consenting and the other person has to stop right away. You can change your mind as far as your consent as much as you like. Also, just because someone has consented to sex in the past, or to a specific sex act, does not mean they consent to it again.

If you are unsure if someone is comfortable or not you can ask, and if you are sure they are not comfortable stop immediately. Likewise if they do actually say "No." or "Stop.", of course stop immediately. Remember doing sports as a child and the coach blew the whistle? No matter what was going on, you had to stop. Well, it's way more important to stop during sexual activity if your partner doesn't want to play than it is in sports, so remember to stop immediately if you think you don't have consent.

Some people on the internet are saying "Consent is sexy ?". This is fair enough, and has the advantage that it may help you get married ? or laid because you showed obvious respect not to sexually violate someone.

And just because you're having sex it does not mean you can do anything you want to to your partner that's remotely sexual. For example, if you are having vaginal sex with a woman and suddenly try to have anal sex without discussing it or asking beforehand you'd be trying to have sex without consent. Imagine if a woman were to try to put her fingers in a straight ? man ?'s anus, he would know what selective and ongoing consent in sexual activity is right away.

Lying, trickery, threat, manipulation or intimidation makes the sex be without consent, too. For example, if the man says he will put a condom on but doesn't, or says he'll pull out ? (his penis, before he ejaculates) is committing sexual assault if not rape. I am not sure when lying is rape but if he says he's wearing a condom and he's not, or there's something wrong with the condom, I think that's rape. If, on the other hand, someone lied about what their natural hair colour is, I really don't think that's rape.

If someone is in a position of authority over you, such as a teacher, the sex is never consensual.

If someone is asleep, unconscious, drunk, high, underage or a child then you do not have consent. That is rape or child abuse.

It's mostly men and boys who need to be told this stuff, but girls/women, this article applies to you, too!

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"Gah! Permission!" — Florence Ambrose in Freefall